Confession of a lazy blogger

This is probably a bad time to write a blog. But yet again and again, I've been procrastinating. I'm a lazy lazy girl. I'm so lazy that I can't be bother to bring myself to make out with my boyfriend!.. haha.. (That's only suppose to be an expression.) :P

I have 2 bloody presentations next week! And I'm only half done with half and a quater done with the other one. I have never do so much bloody 3d in my whole bloody 3years in NYP but I think to myself, "must upgrade already lah.. degree student leh". So I was compeled!! It was tedious. I am such an idiot that I forgot how to apply texture and even to add keyframes!

You know what? I finally realised the potential in myself! I can be a Couch Potato, a Fat Ass Bitch, a Good-for-nothing and many more of that genre...Gee.. Am I a talent or what?.. Well, nonsense aside, I know what will lead to my downfall will be my Lum-Nua-Ness (translated as Slumpy-ness). All my life I seem to be slumping on the sofa (eyes glued to TV, prob E!entertainment - where you get the juicest gossips), travelling to LaLa land with my back on my bed or walking like the actresses in 2046. But still I like being Lum-Nua.. haha.. I wanna end the blog here ald. I don't wanna write anymore. Too lazy to type and think at the same time. Need to give my brain residing in my ass sometime to breath. Paiseh! haha

3rd Anniversary of Sep 11 + Issues: Candice

Yup.. Today must be a sad day for many.. Besides the normal memorial thingy on CNA, you can also see PLASTIC BUSH's speech, like it's a theatre drama, on your tele.. I think I really can't stand the way he speaks, let only seeing his face. He's the spawn of EVIL! Anyway, I think it sprouted into war already. Well... Why am I talking about it in the first place, I can't do much too.. :(

Sighz. I'm terribly stressed out recently.. Financial problems, Work, School work, Relationship Instability, Friendship.. blah blah blah.. I think I'm ok.. But at the same time, I feel like giving up everything and fly somewhere out of here. I feel I'm an escapist. I think I need a lot of love. Not exactly that kind of love between a woman and man only. I think I lack alot of love from people who are close. That's why I often wonder why they don't love me as much as I love them, Why is it I'm always last on their priority list and they're always first on mine? All this kind of feelings dishearted me alot. I'm becoming a person I hate to be.

Then I think I hate cooperate life. It's so terrible. Some of the people in my office are so bloody damn stuck up. You say a simple "hello", they saw it, and look away... WAH LAU.. I feel damn welcomed. Well.. let's see they speak PERFECT ENGLISH, draped themselves with DESIGNER LABELS, and do high class sports like GOLFING. Well, all these are not really my cup of tea and obviously my image don't reflect that "poshy-ness" also. Often, people mistook me as the office girl. Managers asked me to photocopy things, bind things, run errands etc... I don't mind doing all these though.. but I just hope they can treat me with a bit more respect. :(

My relationship with Jordan isn't improving. Hmmm.. He's like really really really super damn nice to me when we first got together. Then he slack and slack and slack. Till we got to the state we are in now. I feel that i always put him in first priority when it comes to anything. But I feel he's not giving me the same treatment. I'm so disappointed all the time when that happens. So I also become insensitive and uncaring.. I think I've become a very bad girlfriend (in guy's context). I just can't open up. Cause I feel that i'll get more shit if i open myself up. Always there's this and that i do wrong blah blah blah. I feel that i'm not firm on alot of things in life. Even when it comes to making decisions, i can't have a firm stand. So many times he disappointed me, made me cried, wait in the rain for 4 hours, mocked me when i was sad, was insensitive to my feelings.. it's all the factors that are taking toil on the relationship. After more than 2 years of being together, i realised that the way we think is very different, the way we handled problem also very different. I tried talking to him so many times. But instead of straightening out issues, they ended up being harder to untangle. I realised one of our problems is we refused to admit to our shortcomings. Then we'll start accusing each other. I feel this is not true love. We are so defensive of our own selfish selves, is there actually room for each other?

Jordan, if you happen to read this, these are what i meant to say to you. Offended or not, I couldn't care more. We can't see eye to eye now. I don't even feel close to you now like we have connection. I also don't know how to solve these problems. I need more love and affection which you can't give. Sorry if i was demanding. This relationship is dangling. Do you wanna let it fall and shatter? or bring it up to solid ground? I don't know. In retrospect, we had many good times. That's just so yesterday, not today and i don't know about the future. You tell me....

Photo Removed - Due to Complaint

With regards to the previous post, the GIGANTIC photo has been removed. Because the other person in the photo complained that the photo of him was badly taken. Thus reflected very badly on his personal image.Apparently, the person was saying that I posted the photo to bring out the "beauty" of myself..(which wasn't my intention) :(

Well people-who-actually-read-my-blog, I'm going to post more photos. But it has to be vetted through by my QC officer to ensure quality of the BLOG.

So be assured to see high quality pics on Candice's blog!!!

Oh My God! Gigantic Picture!

Gee.. I think I'm really a Net idiot man! Look at the size of this photo..

Well, You really have to forgive me.. Afterall, it's my first attempt in setting up a BLOG. Haha, at least it's better than nothing. After engaging help from an eleven-year-old (my boyfriend's little sis), I managed to upload my first photo of me and my boyfriend on My BLOG!!!!

Ok.. Time to play "SPOT THE PIMPLE" Game on my face.. hehe..

A Tinge of Loneliness

It has never occur to me that I'm a person who is actually afraid of being lonely. But just recently, even though I am kind of busy, I can't help but to feel a little tinge of loneliness hovering over me.

This feeling has made me think back in yesteryears that I used to like to be solitary. I was someone who thought that it's ok when I'm left alone with not even one person to care for me. But what is happening to me now?

Maybe I am now a hermit out of its shell, refusing to go back. And yes, I like being out of my shell, seeing the vibrant colours of life and meeting creatures of other sort. And somehow despite a force pushing me to retreat back to my haven of yesteryears, I refused.

I am seeing my friends less, no colleagues to hang out with, even my boyfriend hang out with me very very seldom these days. Something from my intuition tells me that he thinks I am hounding him. Simply because he thinks I have nothing better to do these days. That hurts!

Ouch! I think I better make my way back to the santuary of my shell now...

If only...

Do you ever have that kind of feeling of extreme guilt? I do.

I made someone sad for a long long time. Without realising, I've given him the reason to smile. But it's all lost because of me. And till now, he hasn't found the same joy and happiness. It saddens me deeply to learn that all these happened due to my ignorance. One stupid decision.

Why is it that I've ruined someone's life without knowing it? Why is it that he has to hide and shun? Why didn't he open up? Time after time, Chances after chances, They slipped away.

Many times, he broke down when he phoned me. He didn't tell me the reason. Many years later, I knew the reason. It was me.

I'm the core. I'd planted the seed of misery. If only...