3rd Anniversary of Sep 11 + Issues: Candice

Yup.. Today must be a sad day for many.. Besides the normal memorial thingy on CNA, you can also see PLASTIC BUSH's speech, like it's a theatre drama, on your tele.. I think I really can't stand the way he speaks, let only seeing his face. He's the spawn of EVIL! Anyway, I think it sprouted into war already. Well... Why am I talking about it in the first place, I can't do much too.. :(

Sighz. I'm terribly stressed out recently.. Financial problems, Work, School work, Relationship Instability, Friendship.. blah blah blah.. I think I'm ok.. But at the same time, I feel like giving up everything and fly somewhere out of here. I feel I'm an escapist. I think I need a lot of love. Not exactly that kind of love between a woman and man only. I think I lack alot of love from people who are close. That's why I often wonder why they don't love me as much as I love them, Why is it I'm always last on their priority list and they're always first on mine? All this kind of feelings dishearted me alot. I'm becoming a person I hate to be.

Then I think I hate cooperate life. It's so terrible. Some of the people in my office are so bloody damn stuck up. You say a simple "hello", they saw it, and look away... WAH LAU.. I feel damn welcomed. Well.. let's see they speak PERFECT ENGLISH, draped themselves with DESIGNER LABELS, and do high class sports like GOLFING. Well, all these are not really my cup of tea and obviously my image don't reflect that "poshy-ness" also. Often, people mistook me as the office girl. Managers asked me to photocopy things, bind things, run errands etc... I don't mind doing all these though.. but I just hope they can treat me with a bit more respect. :(

My relationship with Jordan isn't improving. Hmmm.. He's like really really really super damn nice to me when we first got together. Then he slack and slack and slack. Till we got to the state we are in now. I feel that i always put him in first priority when it comes to anything. But I feel he's not giving me the same treatment. I'm so disappointed all the time when that happens. So I also become insensitive and uncaring.. I think I've become a very bad girlfriend (in guy's context). I just can't open up. Cause I feel that i'll get more shit if i open myself up. Always there's this and that i do wrong blah blah blah. I feel that i'm not firm on alot of things in life. Even when it comes to making decisions, i can't have a firm stand. So many times he disappointed me, made me cried, wait in the rain for 4 hours, mocked me when i was sad, was insensitive to my feelings.. it's all the factors that are taking toil on the relationship. After more than 2 years of being together, i realised that the way we think is very different, the way we handled problem also very different. I tried talking to him so many times. But instead of straightening out issues, they ended up being harder to untangle. I realised one of our problems is we refused to admit to our shortcomings. Then we'll start accusing each other. I feel this is not true love. We are so defensive of our own selfish selves, is there actually room for each other?

Jordan, if you happen to read this, these are what i meant to say to you. Offended or not, I couldn't care more. We can't see eye to eye now. I don't even feel close to you now like we have connection. I also don't know how to solve these problems. I need more love and affection which you can't give. Sorry if i was demanding. This relationship is dangling. Do you wanna let it fall and shatter? or bring it up to solid ground? I don't know. In retrospect, we had many good times. That's just so yesterday, not today and i don't know about the future. You tell me....

Photo Removed - Due to Complaint

With regards to the previous post, the GIGANTIC photo has been removed. Because the other person in the photo complained that the photo of him was badly taken. Thus reflected very badly on his personal image.Apparently, the person was saying that I posted the photo to bring out the "beauty" of myself..(which wasn't my intention) :(

Well people-who-actually-read-my-blog, I'm going to post more photos. But it has to be vetted through by my QC officer to ensure quality of the BLOG.

So be assured to see high quality pics on Candice's blog!!!